


It Hurt to Walk Away

by despairmeguca (obsess97)



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst, F/F, brief kiss, but the kiss has angst injected into it, kanamari
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 13:04:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7846144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsess97/pseuds/despairmeguca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tumblr user squishyypup made <a href="http://squishyypup.tumblr.com/post/149332805675/petition-for-fanfic-writers-to-write-a-fanfic-when">this post</a> and i felt a glimmer of motivation... so i kinda. did that. it gets angsty tho theres no fluff here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Hurt to Walk Away

"Kanan..." Mari whispered, holding out her hands. _I'm open,_ her expression cried. _I'm waiting, I want you back, I want us back, please..._

It was chilly. The wind was swirling around them, giving Kanan little goosebumps where her arms and legs were exposed to the air.

Being in nothing but a nightdress and opening her arms out like that... Kanan imagined Mari was cold too.

She began to walk forward. The hope on Mari's face was brighter than any sun could shine, but...

She walked past Mari, her expression set in stone.

 _You have to give up..._ "Before someone gets hurt."

Kanan didn't have to see the look on Mari's face to know how hurt she was. Of course she was hurt. Opening yourself up like that, only to be met with coldness; that does damage, but.

This was a bad idea. Mari was making a mistake.

So Kanan kept walking away.

"I won't give up..."

_I won't go back._

"I'm going to get it back!"

_This is a lost cause._

"Get back the feeling I lost with you and Dia!"

_You can't turn back time..._

"That feeling... it was so precious to me..."

It was the broken shake of her voice that snapped Kanan's resolve, and with a speed Kanan had no idea she possessed, she was back at Mari's side, supporting her body which seemed to be curling into itself, crying quietly.

Mari, surprised, looked at her with tear filled eyes.

"It was precious to me too, Mari!" Kanan exclaimed, her own eyes beginning to water. She hugged her tighter. "But we can't make things like that again, we can't just change this reality like we're heroes!"

Mari fell silent, clutching Kanan closer.

They stayed that way for a couple of minutes, just holding each other.

Mari shifted, starting to pull out of their hug. "Kanan, I-"

Kanan didn't want to listen. Everything was wrong, Mari supporting them was wrong, this club was a bad idea from the beginning, Dia had been right to try to stop them and Mari was trying to push things around to get everything back to how it used to be _but you can't force a feeling, Mari!_

So when she opened her mouth to justify her actions, Kanan just kissed her.

She kissed Mari the same way she used to back when they were in their first year and enthusiastic about their life and confident in their group.

But now Mari was a third year. Kanan wasn't even going to school.

And neither of them had anything to be enthusiastic about.

Kanan pulled away, immediately turning her head so her hair would hide her blush. Mari was looking at the ground, her wavy hair falling around her face.

Neither of them looked at each other.

"You felt it too, didn't you?" Kanan asked quietly, after a minute. Mari didn't respond.

"Nothing's the same anymore," she forced herself to continue. "You're setting them up so the conditions are like ours, but they are not us. You can't just force this to happen because you're searching for that feeling, Mari, because that feeling is gone. We can't recreate something like that. And we both just proved it."

Mari stayed silent, still looking down.

Kanan sighed, and turned around. It hurt to walk away.

"You have to stop keeping those girls in your past, and start moving forward, Mari."

She kept walking. There were no sounds behind her, no reasons to stop, no matter how much Kanan wanted a reason to stop.

It hurt to walk away.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted [on my tumblr](http://despairmeguca.tumblr.com/post/149353461147/it-hurt-to-walk-away)!
> 
> Hmu with prompts if you've got any, I'm always ready to drabble!
> 
> Kudos/comments are appreciated too, I crave attention haha


End file.
